I have not thought of a title yet, but that is OK.
I want to write a bit about the past month.
Everything is going to be OK. I don’t know it for sure, but that is OK. Sometimes, I make mistakes and that is OK. Sometimes, I forgot to tell myself that everything is going to be OK. I beat myself up afterwards, and that is OK. Sometimes I try and fail, and that is OK. Sometimes, I relapse and that is OK. Sometimes I sleep late, and that is OK. Sometimes I mess up and that is OK. There is not really anything that is not OK.
I am not making up these sayings because these are what I am supposed to say to myself so that I do not beat myself up more. I do genuinely believe them. Heck, I am writing this at 4 in the morning still, knowing that I will most likely wake up at 12, having not left the apartment for 3 days. But I allow all of that.
I have allowed myself to be like that, because I do know deep down, this is still me. I am fine by me acting like a “oh so worthless person by the conventional social standards”, because who else is going to tell me that I am valuable if I do not start telling myself that first?
I have went on 60-minute runs 4 times this month, got higher grades in a recent English test, and read more than I did in the last 60 days. Losses do not negate wins. I am realizing this way later than I should have, and that is OK.
Whatever I am writing probably does not make a lot of sense to the readers and that is OK. If you are reading this, know that everything is OK. Even if you forget, that is OK.