Anxiety attack
I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months. Each time I had it before, I would clench my fists and press my fingers down on the desks real hard till it hurts. Pain is a great distraction. I feel the urge to do that this time as well. There was little time to think, little time to breath. I knew the solution all too well, every single time, but could not get out of it because I try too hard. A drowning person desperately screams, only to choke on more water.
Anxiety is about the future. It is our mind’s ability to predict problems / dangers in the future. It is asking “what-ifs”.
I try to get myself to take showers when anxious. Showers are great. It provides just enough sensory stimuli for the brain so that it anchors in the present. But cold showers are amazing. It tricks my brain out of anxiety by literally becoming a source of danger: “My body temperature is dropping significantly. I need to deal with this right now. Breathe with your mouth wide open. Shiver. Get goosebumps. Get us out of this coldness.”
But you know cold showers are not dangerous. You just know that you are going to be OK. I should tell myself that a bit more, that sometimes, anxiety attacks are not to be conquered but to be lived with.
I give anxiety 3 stars. It is great for me if I just want to survive as a caveman but not the most ideal if I want to thrive in the anthropocene.