"Action is not what leads you to change. It is what happens after you change."
I want to reflect upon the attempts over the last 6 months trying to fix and improve my life. This post will hopefully serve as a reminder for many things and reference tool. I will be using myself as an example, specifically, a change that I would want to see in my own life: adjusting my sleep schedule so that I can gain clarity in my mind.
Introducing the 6 stages in "The Cycle of Change":
1. Precontemplation:
Stage one is pretty much about denial and avoidance. If someone were to ask me in the precontemplative stage of change: What do you think of your sleep schedule? The answer you are going to get from me is...probably none. "No, my sleep schedule is great!" I would maybe also dodge the question. "Nah, what do you call it again? Nocturnal." There may even be attempts of justifications for this denial and avoidance:" Do you know back in tribal times, nocturnal humans develop this habit of sleeping late, just so that they can watch out for dangers in the wild for the group. They wait till the early birds wake up, and then sleep till their shift is over. So evolutionarily it makes total sense." At this stage, there is no awareness of the need for change. Negative emotions such as frustration and anger may arise as a result of further conversations about said topic.
2. Contemplation:
Stage two is most commonly characterized by ambivalence. If the above same question were to be asked, my answer at this stage would be something along the lines of: "Ah, fixing my sleep schedule. I have watched tons and tons of productivity YouTubers and self-help books about this topic. All the tips and tricks are great, but man, is speedrunning Minecraft so much fun. I am so torn, you know." I would swing back and forth, unable to decide whether to actually commit to making a change or to sticking to my old habits because it feels good and familiar. As a result, there usually is a lot of anxiety around this stage. And people spend the most amount of time in this stage too. There is a lot of internal work to be done, but no real action is yet to be taken. Some at this stage may really want to skip the contemplation and rush to action. Note this: Action is not what leads you to change. It is what happens after you change. We as a society value results more than processes, so expect that this might be hard on you when being observed on the outside there seems to be no signs of change whatsoever.
3. Preparation:
Stage three is a bit tricky. At this point, said person has decided to make a change. They decide that change is to be made, and has also done the requisite internal work to get ready for action. Usually at this stage, no real action in terms of the change itself is made, but they would make a broken down step-by-step, actionable, time-specific plan as to how to incorporate the change in their everyday lives. Let's go back to the sleep schedule example. At this point, I will have decided: "Yes, I need to work on my sleep schedule, because it may not only bring benefit X and Y, but also fix the Z issue in my life." Then a plan I create might look like this:
Day 1 (2024.7.13): Turn off the light in my bedroom at 22:00. Go to the sink to brush my teeth at 22:05. Use mouthwash afterwards. Wash my face at 22:15. Turn off lap-top and put it away on the top shelf of the other room at 22:25. Take a picture of the laptop and send it to my accountability partner. Go to Sleeptown and press "Sleep" on my phone at 22:30. Put on pajamas at 22:35. Lie in bed by 22:40.
Day 2 (2024.7.14): Shake your phone to turn off the 8:00 alarm in Sleeptown. Screenshot the "Success!" page and send it to my accountability partner.
The reason why I say this is a tricky stage is because when I am finally emotionally prepared to make changes, it is very easy for me to jump straight into action without nailing down the specific steps. Doing that may result in more frustration and hopelessness as I keep swinging back towards my old habits. To prevent the vicious cycle from happening, this step is crucial and should not be skipped.
4. Action:
Stage four is pretty self-explanatory. I follow the plan. Things besides that may also include: reflection (Did the plan work? What part of it worked? Do I want to keep them? What part of the plan did not work? What can I do to improve upon that? etc.) and application of these reflections. Rinse and repeat. Personally speaking, habits may take 4-6 weeks to start making sense to me. There will be less and less resistance to making changes and as I take more actions, taking actions becomes easier. Inspiration may also be a huge source of motivation for change in this stage because we can now see real-time evidence - the actual benefits happening to our lives.
5. Maintenance:
This stage is also really tricky, because it is very easy to look at the benefits and go: wow I have made changes. Now I can finally take a break. There is really no need for that much effort. Right? Wrong! Yes, habits have been most likely formed at this point, but you have reached this stage in your life because you devoted efforts to actions. Efforts have become not less, but more important. Try to refine it even more and make tweaks here and there so as to actually solidify your habits and make it part of your life. In this context, it is things like: Can I try brushing my teeth with left hand for 30 seconds and 30 seconds with right hand? Where else in the room can I put away the laptop so that it is really hard to reach? Get creative with your plans. One step not careful, and you may fall right back into:
6. Relapse:
Now, I would say one thing: it is absolutely okay to relapse. In fact, relapse is a necessary stage, if not the most important stage, of the cycle of change. Because a relapse indicates that something about the current plan itself or the implementation of the current plan is not working. In other words, the relapse stage is a great opportunity for troubleshooting the errors being made in the process of habit formation. It is very important to stay mindful and aware of what goes on , especially what went wrong in the plan, during the relapse as these could provide valuable insight into building / rebuilding our plan 2.0. In fact, there would be an overlap between the relapse stage and the contemplation stage if the cycle of change were to continue. Contemplation in the second cycle may also include processing negative emotions such as shame and guilt as a result of the relapse.
Rinse and repeat. Troubleshoot. Rinse and repeat.
As of right now, I am in the 5) Maintenance stage for a lot of changes that I would want to see happen in the future. Note to self: The fight did not end; it has just started and will never end.